Jackass Number 2

The kids are still asleep (I know, I'm shocked as well) so this phenomenon leads me to believe I am meant to write something worthwhile and lasting this morning. Why else would they still be asleep at 8:05 on a Tuesday morning?

The cornmeal lunches are going well. Honestly, after a couple days of choking it down it got a little easier. My super amazing friend Alicia starts day 2 of her ENTIRE WEEK of cornmeal porridge today. She had a tough time eating it all day yesterday and felt pretty bad about herself ... the same way I felt the first time I choked it down.

Everyday I wake up and open my refrigerator and decide what to have for breakfast. After complaining to myself that I have to make it and wouldn't it be nice if I could just go out to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast like everyone else, I try and make something healthy for myself and the kids. Again, in my mind I think about how nice it would be to just go to Dunkin Donuts with the kids and not worry about health or money.

Before the cornmeal lunches, I would again look in the frig and try to find something for lunch after a long morning at the YMCA. I'd say to myself in my head, "You deserve so much better than this Amy ... but way to go for being so disciplined with your food budget, unlike so many others. You can prove what can be done with a tight budget and maybe someday someone will listen."

And then at dinnertime I would remove the small package of meat from the frig and make something with it that distributed the meat among all 5 (okay 4 of us, Tariku won't generally eat meat of any kind) of us in an economical way. I would again say to myself in my head, " Maybe for fun one night this week I'll buy a couple steaks from Aldi's and splurge for me and Pete ... maybe while we watch the Lost finale online after he gets back."

You see, in my head, I am not really satisfied or happy with the way we are choosing to eat on a budget. I do it because I know not only is it very do-able, but it is healthy and it is allowing us to do so many more exciting things with our money. But I am not REALLY satisified or happy with the scenerio.

Because, I too am a Jackass. (read my friend's blog for further reference)

I say I am sympathetic to the cause of the poor ... I am, really ... but it does not carry over to my head when I'm home alone cooking dinner for my family.

I think deep down that somehow I am more deserving than the beautiful Ethiopian mother who walks miles for dirty water and has nothing to feed her children. Somehow I have the right to whatever food I want today in my refrigerator, while she chooses to go hungry and instead gives her children the beans and cornmeal given to her by World Vision.

I think it may take more than a year to become really grateful for what I have. Not grateful on a surface level, but really grateful ... grateful in a way that even changes my thought patterns.

This morning I put fresh milk in my coffee. Fresh cow's milk in my refrigerator puts our family in the minority in this world. The vast majority of the world's population does not have access to fresh milk and I get annoyed when I have to use skim milk in my coffee instead of whole.

Come have lunch with me. Please. Let's talk together about how we might become more grateful people.

Live simply so that others may simply live.